The Stately Homes of England, how beautiful they stand.... Noel Coward

Over the next few days, I'm going to be giving you a tour of Chateau Newstead.....Why? Because, after posting pictures of my bedroom makeover,  I have been asked to share my home by so many of you, with many of you. You seem to think it worthy of note. :)
There are, I promise, some nice photos of flowers and pretty things, all kinds.

One of my good friends once compared our 'umble 'ouse to a 'staytli ‘ome.'

Well.. no not really. It’s no where near as BIG as a stately home. For one thing, it’s just an average modern detached house.
However, Stephen and I have decorated it in a very classical manner. I suppose you could say that much of what you might find in a Stately Home, also appears, in a pared down form, in Newstead Manor. No, we have no real Rembrandts, no Titians grace the Great Hall, no Verrios are painted on the ceilings but we do have some hand painted walls. We have no 17th century Grinling Gibbons panelling but we have nevertheless, some fancy woodwork. There are no four poster beds with hand embroidered coverlets from the 18th century, but we do have the odd bit of hand done needlework.



So come along with us for the fun of a....


Guided Tour of Newstead Manor.

Let’s approach this as if we were actually being taken round by a knowledgeable guide....you know the sort...all tight grey bun ( bun I said ), pince nez and adenoids.


If there are bits you don't understand ( and I'm sure there will be - my jokes are really terrible... and some things are very English and won't be easy for my foreign friends ), then scroll down for an explanation. If you DO know what I'm on about....Good for you.
You just need to switch on your 'double entendre' button. ;) and maybe suspend disbelief for a moment or two. Oh, and put on your Silly Billy glasses. :)


"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen.

Do step over the threshold but kindly watch your step around the antique cast iron doorstop. This item has been in the family for at least a twenty fourth of a century and The Earl and Countess use it every windy day to prop open the front door. It saves on vet’s bills when the dog is chopped in half by the violent slamming of the door, in a howling gale.

Welcome to Newstead Manor, the home of the twelfth Earl Brackley and his wife Lady Susanna.
You are now standing in the Great Hall. This is a room of many moods.

Good ( the char has been in to dust ), Annoyed ( when the dog has been in the pond and the paintwork is splattered ) and Downright miserable ( on a dull day when the colour drains, thereby showing up the dents in the walls made by eons worth of removal men. )
Here are housed many of the Manor’s smaller artworks; landscapes by Constable Newstead, Genre paintings by Vermeer Newstead and interiors of farm buildings by Cornetto Newstead. ( He was a younger brother of Canaletto and couldn't afford to paint grand interiors.)*1

Behind the door is a portrait of Delphi Dog Newstead painted entirely in Tapestry Stamps, ink and chalk and a work of great value ( to the incumbents ).

The chandelier is an early British Home Stores piece which was altered particularly to fit the Great Hall. It’s especially beautiful at Christmas when this room comes into its own ( this phrase is trotted out in all the best Interiors magazines...so I thought I'd use it) and the light is decorated with hanging red and white doves, holly and mistletoe. All tradesmen and visitors are grabbed and kissed, under it .....an old Newstead tradition.


In the Summer it’s hung with paper butterflies...an homage to the third Lord Burns who was a big butterfly collector in his youth. ( The present Lady Newstead’s  brother - who indeed has a fine and legal butterfly collection.)

Note the state of the art Smoke alarm, essential in a house of such National Unimportance.

Above the portrait of Delphi, the Divinitory Dog you will see an unusual collection of marble eggs. These were stolen from the nests of several small marble hens in the early 19th century by the ninth Earl Newstead, a scoundrel and a rotter.

Above the servants' door is a lovely late 18th century piece of Worcester porcelain. Lady Newstead found this tatty piece at a junk shop, paid one pound for it and re-painted it with enamels. She’s like that.

On your right you can see the Jacobean Staircase. So called because it was first painted by a chap called Jacob.

Mounted on the wall is a portrait of the family ghost, Magdalena Newstead daughter of the third Earl. She is said to haunt the Jacobean staircase. That‘s quite a difficult job because, for one thing, she is totally flat and the staircase is very short. Few have seen her.  As a ghost she is not very efficient, very hard to spot - especially sideways. { It's one of my dummy boards of course}*2

To the right of the Jacobean Staircase is the family rocking horse, made by the tenth Earl known as the DIY Earl. Owing to him, the manor was in a state, in the early part of the 20th century. :) He was pretty good with the horses though.

Note as we move into the Sitting Room to your left, a fine French mirror dated to the Fin de Siecle. If you look into it, you’ll look Fin for a Sec.
The frame has been restored; the original was found in a barn and was covered in bat poo. Lady Newstead rebuilt the piece in plaster of Paris ( apt ) and evicted the bats.

As we cross the threshold in to the Sitting Room or Grand Salon, note the fine Regency bay window added by the eleventh Earl, a great builder and renovator, nicknamed the Anglian Earl. *3 You will see several examples of Lady Newstead’s passion for glass displayed in this window. Single glass candlesticks dating from the last week of 1990 to the present day are seen here alongside other curiosities, such as a superb collection of dead flies and dried Harvestmen, moths and Lacewings.

Also her passion, note the many cushions which decorate the sofas and settees. Many of them were hand worked by her. They are often to be found on the floor. The dog evicts them at times when she wishes to lie on the sofa.

To your left is a fine example of a late 19th century gilded marble topped table. Curios displayed here range from a tiny pill cup ( very useful if you have tiny pills to take ) from the Worcester porcelain factory dated to the middle of the 19th century, to an Edwardian compote or tazza ( dish) in glass and silver gilt. This was a gift from the Twelfth Earl, for which Lady Newstead said “Tazza very much”
The little Fox Terrier was a hand crafted gift from an American friend and though seemingly incongruous in its present place - it's where Delphi the dog wants it!

On this table you will also see a beautiful early 20th century crystal and brass oil lamp, found in a junk shop, which has been altered, electrified and re-built. The ceiling chandelier is of the same variety. In an attempt to make it resemble an horrendously expensive Venetian coloured example, Lady Newstead has strung it with bits and bobs from her sewing box and rubbish tin. Looks a treat!

The French Walnut Settee comes originally from the historic town of Banbury. It dates from the middle of the 19th century and copies an earlier style. Lady Newstead found this piece in a local junk shop for the princely sum of £100. It was originally covered in bright yellow and purple Designers Guild huge tulips fabric which did it no favours at all. One boring Boxing Day the present Earl decided that they would recover it in a fabric more in keeping with its style and age. Thousands of taps of tacks, one gouged thumb and several innovative swear words later, the piece was finished and went on show. It's now worth nearer to £1000. It’s not bad to sit on...considering.

If you look up, you will see a particularly fine piece of Grinning Baboon’s * 4 handiwork. He worked extensively at Newstead Manor ( under the 4th Earl ) when he was on holiday from his other projects, at Petworth, Burleigh and Hampton Court. With bits left over and bits that fell off, he created a fine pelmet to grace the Salon window and hide the ugly bits left by the 17th century builders. The work was painted at a later date by the wife of the Fifth Earl, who couldn’t bear bare Medium Density Fibreboard. *5

There are, in this room, several examples of the glass blower’s art. Two large Silvered glass apothecary jars commissioned by the seventh Earl, known as the Shirty Earl, to house his large shirt button collection. The shirt buttons were sold off by his son, the Miserly Earl, whose shirts were not large, to finance the building of the automobile garage in the early 20th century. He was car mad and was killed, in his dotage, when he was in collision with a penny farthing bicycle, living up to his name.

Two mid 19th century Mercury glass candlesticks can be seen on the mantel. These have actual Mercury in them and have been hermetically sealed, for we know that Mercury is poisonous should it come into contact with humans and can turn you stark raving mad. ( Quite safe in this house then...)

It’s said that the seventh Earl bought this pair and opened them to use the Mercury as a cure for his Syphillis ( contracted whilst on the Grand Tour...of Brighton ). He went mad ( and shirty), had over two hundred shirts and employed twenty laundresses to wash them ( more about them later) - and sew on the buttons. Also on the mantel are two Bonbonieres from the Dresden factory dated to the end of the 18th century.
They have never housed any bon~bons or buttons ( except chocolate ones at Christmas ) but do occasionally see a drawing pin.

                                               Paul Revere.....does he look as if he trusts you?

The fine silver condiments ( salt and pepper pots ) on the mantel are from the U.S.A. and are based on designs executed by Paul Revere, the famous 18th century American silversmith and revolutionary. They were given to the Manor by a departing American tourist ( sorry Bonnie ), who decided she'd never get them through customs. ;)

The beautiful mirror above the fireplace is a mid 19th century picture frame. The present Lady Newstead renovated this and built up three corners from one existing. This was her first foray into water gilding, which owing to an error in the printed guide booklet ( on sale at our gift shop ) she never attempted again. Water gliding can be done only once.

The two portraits at the left side of the mirror are housed in renovated, but not water glided, frames from the early 20th century. The left hand one is of Lady Newstead’s Great Great Grandmama, painted by the famous Swedish water colourist, Anders Dis, and the right hand portrait is Jacobean, painted by the Scottish painter Anders Dat and is known as Ruff Maudie. Nuff said.

On this wall is also a small statue of one of the Estate’s fine cattle - a Highland Cow. This was made by the twelfth Earl and has undergone a sex change. The original wooden piece was male but the Earl rebuilt it in Papier-mâché and so Angus became Agnes.

All other pictures are oils by the infamous 18th century forger Raphael Peale Newstead*6, from an American branch of the family. We don’t talk about this branch. It’s a rotten branch. Fruitful but rotten.

The demi lune ( half moon ) table is 19th century burr walnut and was made from the shells of those cracked at a particularly good party at the end of the Naughty Nineties. Newstead Manor was famed for its orgiastic parties under the eighth Earl.

Many famous people dined here and all of them left something for the Earl to remember them by. These mementos are all displayed on the demi lune table.

                                                                 Such a snazzy dresser
Oscar Wilde’s *7 pretty little porcelain rose and forget me not brooch; Queen Victoria’s Viagra pillbox- the loss of which prompted the phrase "We are not amused"; King Edward Vll’s *8 pot, ( it was rumoured he had a very large pot ), Jules Verne’s*9 shrunken Fox Terrier and other treasures.

 

Mahogany Canterbury ( music chest ) with beautiful inlay c. 1901

The beautiful inlaid Canterbury is an Edwardian piece and houses some of the Manor’s collection of recorded music. No room for a piano. <sigh>


The early 19th century Mahogany and Satinwood roll top desk- come -bookcase is a fine Maple and Co. piece. It is full of good china, glass and rubbish that won’t fit anywhere else. Bought as an investment by the twelfth Earl, she is named Mabel and has become one of the family. She will not now be sold under any circumstances.
The Earl and his good Lady have plans to live in her when they retire. ( Hmmmm Mercury again?)

Squeezed in to the space between the desk and the sofa, is a French Salon Chair dated to about 1780. It has its original Chinese silk cover and is rather tatty. The Earl and Lady Newstead are loathe to have it restored. It would cost a lung and a kidney.They are already operating on just one each, after having had to pay for the the house to be renovated in the 1990’s. Besides, they like it that way.

By the east door stands a 19th century cabinet of ease*10, made in Burr Walnut, which is known as Deputy Dawg*11 owing to the large flaps either side, which look like ears. Upon this is a beautiful piece of Irish silver - a little pierced basket - or least it appears so when you have had one over the eight.

I will leave you now, to roam at Will. He won't mind.

Another guide will take over shortly. Please remember, this is mostly abject drivel but, amazingly this account does contain some facts. If you can find them. "

( Explanations  - *1 Actually they are all by me....yes....I was all those painters - in a previous life. ;)
*2 If you don't know about these go to my blog PastMastery
*3 Anglian windows- A well known British double glazing company.
*4 Grinling Gibbons 1648 –1721 was the finest wood carver this country has ever seen. Grinning Baboon however, was not.
*5 MDF- a wood substitute....poor Grinling.
*6 Raphael Peale 1774-1825 American painter...yes I am pretending to be him again.
*7 Oscar Wilde 1854-1900 Wit, satirist, writer and all round clever dicky. He was a snazzy dresser...and Gay of course.
*8 King Edward Vll (reigned 1901- 1910) of Great Britain. Son of Victoria and an all round gigolo.
*9 Jules Verne- the first real science fiction writer. Many of his ideas are now science fact. Perhaps not shrinking people though...or dogs.
*10 Cabinet of Ease is a polite word for a place to put your used chamber pot at night.
*11 Deputy Dawg- You MUST know about him.....